The waitress set a glass of wine in front of me. The cold liquid frosted the glass. "So you remember that guy I went on a date with last week?"
Matt leaned back while the waitress placed a beer before him. "The one who was a body builder?"
"Yeah," I picked up my glass and took a sip. "He never called back."
"What an ass."
"I know, right?" I swirled the golden wine in its glass. "The weird thing is that if he'd called, I probably wouldn't have gone out with him again. I'm not hurt or anything. Just annoyed. You don't say 'I'll call you' and then not call. Be an adult, just say, 'Hey, we're not hitting it off. I probably won't call.' And leave it at that."
"He's an ass," Matt reiterated, taking a deep drink of his beer.
"Yeah," I sighed. "And he really wasn't a good kisser."
"What?" Matt paused mid-sip, raising his eyebrows.
"It was kind of sloppy. I mean," I leaned back in my chair, "it was like he was a cat or something."
Matt choked on his beer.
"I tried to help him out and asked why he was licking my face and he told me he was being passionate." I took another sip of wine. "I told him he was like a cat."
Matt let out a strangled laugh.
"So he changed his tactics and started flicking me. What is that? I told him he was actually more like a lizard," I said thoughtfully, staring into my glass.
"The poor bastard," Matt said, his face near the table as his shoulders shook with laughter.
"Wait! I thought you said he was an ass!"
"You completely emasculated him."
"No I didn't!" I protested.
"You told him he kissed like a cat," Matt's voice shook as he tried to hold the laughter in, "or a lizard."
"He did!" I felt my face turn red. I waited until Matt calmed down. "You don't think that's why he didn't call, do you?" I asked quizzically.
"I'm pretty sure it is."
"Oh," I groaned.
"But he's still an ass."
I smiled and nodded, taking another sip of wine. "He is, isn't he?" I looked over to see Matt burying his face in his arms, his shoulder shaking. "Stop laughing."
4 hours ago