Two Paths
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Mandy,
motherhood
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When I was 26, I was interviewed by the local paper as a representative of the "young, career-minded people" in our county. The story took up most of the front section of the lifestyle page, a picture of me with my hair dyed red wearing a black suit jacket and funky earrings splashed above the fold. It shared a look into my life, my career, and how the housing boom was negatively impacting my ability as a single woman to buy a home. It spoke briefly of my volunteer work, my activities, and the organizations to which I belonged.
At 29, I was pregnant and in a career I loved, but working for a woman who made my life a living hell. The stories I could tell about Dragon Lady would make you shudder. I had held her position on an interim basis for a year before she was hired. She never forgot or forgave that.
As I planned and prepared for Joseph's birth, she called me into her office. I walked in and sat down across from her. She told me being a mother is one of her greatest joys. She then told me that she hated working with new moms. She felt they took too much time off work and were too preoccupied with their children. I'll never forget the cold smile on her face when she said, "Enjoy your maternity leave because if you think you're going to take time off for doctor's appointments or when the baby is sick, you'd better think again."
I was stunned. I knew she didn't like me. I knew it stemmed from insecurity. But for her to say this, something that I'd expect from a male supervisor in 1984, blew my mind.
I went home that night, realizing I had to make a decision.
I knew leaving my position to stay home with Joseph was a death knell to my career. I wasn't naive. I worked in an industry that changed too often to be able to catch up after a year off. I worked in a field with little to no local opportunities. And I had a certification that expired after a year if I didn't pay nearly $1500 in dues and fees plus conference expenses.
But I also knew I couldn't work for Dragon Lady any longer; not as a mom. I knew I couldn't put in the expected 50 hours a week plus two hour commute; not as a mom. I knew I couldn't work in a place that offered no flexibility even after a decade with them; not as a mom.
So I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. I resigned and watched as my certifications expired. I played with Joseph, joined mom groups, started a business, and, eventually, went back to work. I found a position that's perfect. My hours are flexible. I have time off around the holidays and in the summers. I work for someone who's kind and supportive and honestly, simply amazing.
And I'm happy with this path. Truly.
Still, every now and then...
The local paper, the same paper that once interviewed me, recently published their top 20 under 40. I saw it open in the break room, a familiar face grinning back at me. I walked over and realized one of the men was my first boyfriend's best friend. We worked together on a couple of volunteer projects. And one of the women is someone I used to work with. She got pregnant with her oldest a couple years before I got pregnant with Joseph, but then went back to work.
They are who I was going to be.
While I wouldn't trade my life, as muddied and ridiculous as it currently is, I still have to wonder...
What if?
At 29, I was pregnant and in a career I loved, but working for a woman who made my life a living hell. The stories I could tell about Dragon Lady would make you shudder. I had held her position on an interim basis for a year before she was hired. She never forgot or forgave that.
As I planned and prepared for Joseph's birth, she called me into her office. I walked in and sat down across from her. She told me being a mother is one of her greatest joys. She then told me that she hated working with new moms. She felt they took too much time off work and were too preoccupied with their children. I'll never forget the cold smile on her face when she said, "Enjoy your maternity leave because if you think you're going to take time off for doctor's appointments or when the baby is sick, you'd better think again."
I was stunned. I knew she didn't like me. I knew it stemmed from insecurity. But for her to say this, something that I'd expect from a male supervisor in 1984, blew my mind.
I went home that night, realizing I had to make a decision.
I knew leaving my position to stay home with Joseph was a death knell to my career. I wasn't naive. I worked in an industry that changed too often to be able to catch up after a year off. I worked in a field with little to no local opportunities. And I had a certification that expired after a year if I didn't pay nearly $1500 in dues and fees plus conference expenses.
But I also knew I couldn't work for Dragon Lady any longer; not as a mom. I knew I couldn't put in the expected 50 hours a week plus two hour commute; not as a mom. I knew I couldn't work in a place that offered no flexibility even after a decade with them; not as a mom.
So I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. I resigned and watched as my certifications expired. I played with Joseph, joined mom groups, started a business, and, eventually, went back to work. I found a position that's perfect. My hours are flexible. I have time off around the holidays and in the summers. I work for someone who's kind and supportive and honestly, simply amazing.
And I'm happy with this path. Truly.
Still, every now and then...
The local paper, the same paper that once interviewed me, recently published their top 20 under 40. I saw it open in the break room, a familiar face grinning back at me. I walked over and realized one of the men was my first boyfriend's best friend. We worked together on a couple of volunteer projects. And one of the women is someone I used to work with. She got pregnant with her oldest a couple years before I got pregnant with Joseph, but then went back to work.
They are who I was going to be.
While I wouldn't trade my life, as muddied and ridiculous as it currently is, I still have to wonder...
What if?
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